To Start Dreaming and Planning Again
by Carryyouhometonight
Summary: An alternative version of what happened after Rachel choked on her NYADA audition.


**A/N:** I always have a hard time rating my stories like, this has sex but not explicit sex but some curses so is it T or M? But then again where are the boundaries of explicit sex?. You know what I mean?

Anyways, if you find a mistake either grammar or spelling, please let me know.

Disclaimer: Of course I don't own this characters.

Also, **bold words **are Rachel's immediate thoughts.

* * *

"Shh... Babe, it's gonna be fine". Finn whispered in her ear as he rocked them both back and forth.

After the complete disaster her audition turned to be, Finn picked her up in tears from the stage and brought her home along with Kurt and Blaine.

The three men tried their best to console her and cheer her up but Rachel couldn't have none of it. She was so ashamed and disappointed on herself choking on a song she had been singing since forever. She was angry for ruining the chance of her life; she was terrified about her future.

Since she received the letter from NYADA she had felt New York so close to her, so near that if she closed her eyes and concentrated enough she could almost hear the sound of the ticket-holder scanning the tickets in a broadway show or even see the lights of the big billboards flashing behind her eyelids. Her dream, her goal in life was just at a hand reach.

A hand reach materialized in an audition. An audition she had messed up 4 hours ago.

Kurt and Blaine had withdrew to their homes with Kurt promising to inform Carol about what had happened and therefore the absence of Finn.

Since then, Finn had been holding her and whispering comforting words in her ear. And Rachel appreciated it a lot, you've no idea how grateful she was with her boyfriend for sticking with her in this hard time of her life, but unfortunately, she was in need of someone else's arms and comforting words.

Rachel glanced at the clock and pulled away slowly from her boyfriend's embrace.

"Finn, is getting late, it may be time for you to go home".

"No Rach, I was planning on stay over, I'm here for you".

"Please don't". She answered a little too quickly, but smiled at him reassuringly. "I think I need some time alone, please".

**I need some time with her.**

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, thank you so much for everything. I... I...". **Don't hesitate.** "I love you".

He took her hand and pulled her delicately against his body. "I love you so, see you tomorrow".

Rachel closed her eyes and using all the strength left in her, she reciprocated the sweet, slow kiss he stole from her lips.

**You don't deserve this, I'm so sorry.**

He pulled away and with his characteristically charming lopsided smile he left her room. His cologne lingering in Rachel's nose.

She wasn't going to cry. Not again, not anymore. Not when the craving for her was getting bigger each passing second. Desperation was starting to overwhelm her and she was afraid that if she let herself break down one more time without her, she wouldn't be able to stand up again. Even less with Finn gone.

First she needed to get to her. She needed to be in her arms. She needed her coconut smell in her nostrils and her voice in her ears; she needed her to make her feel alive again.

She changed her dress for baggy jeans and a hoodie and after throwing some clothes for the next day in a duffle bag, she grabbed her cellphone; before she knew it she was already calling her.

It rang one time.

"Please".

Two times.

"C'mon".

Three times.

"Baby, please. I need...".

"Hello?". Her voice hoarse and full with sleep.

"Hi". Her reprieve showing shameless.

"Rachel? What's wrong? Are you ok?".

**No I'm not. I just threw my future in the trash can by choking on a stupid song I know like the back of my hand. But that's ok, you know? Because it seems that the only thing keeping me from going crazy is thinking of you. Thinking of feeling myself in your arms.**

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you. But ahmm... Can I come over?".

"Rach, is almost midnight. What's happening? Why you sound so agitated?".

**Because my heart is beating wildly just for the mere fact of hearing you.**

"San, please".

She heard the ruffling sound of sheets and after a sigh Santana spoke again.

"Ok. But hurry up, I don't like you being on the streets this late at night".

Rachel closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.

"Thank you. See you in ten".

* * *

She stood still waiting outside of the Lopez' home. The _'I'm here'_ txt was already sent. And after a couple of minutes a shadow emerged from the dark behind the door opening it carefully.

The light in the porch lit up Santana's features.

**You are so beautiful.**

"Hi". Rachel made her best to stay calm. The moment she laid eyes upon the taller brunette, it was like all the worries and bad things that had happened that day were beating her from the inside. Begging her for release, begging Santana for comfort.

Santana put a finger against her lips indicating her to be quiet and Rachel couldn't help but let her gaze linger an extra second, or maybe two, on those pouty lips. She immersed in the darkness of the house and knowing the way by memory she headed to Santana's bedroom.

A soft hand stopped her and pulled her backwards making her turn 180 degrees and collapsing against the brunette's warm, lean body.

Santana embraced her with a tight hold on her waist and with her nose buried deep in her neck.

Rachel became extremely calm and light. It was as she was made by feathers or air. The feeling was exhilarating, comforting, relieving, her world had fallen back into place.

There, in the arms of her brunette Rachel felt like the time had stopped from its chaotic course purely for this moment. This moment she had been waiting for since she had fallen on the cool floor of the auditorium that evening.

"I'm so sorry, Rachel. I'm so sorry". Santana whispered against her skin over and over again.

Tears pooled in the corner of Rachel's eyes and before letting them fall she needed to ask the question, she needed to hear it from the latina's lips.

"Is everything going to be ok, San?". Her voice full with sorrow and discouragement. Full of hopelessness and fear. Like the one of a scared child.

Santana pulled away just enough to put their foreheads together and fixing Rachel with her gaze she whispered softly to her.

"Yes baby, everything is going to be ok".

Rachel closed her eyes and let the tears roll down her face. All fears and worries finally gone.

After a couple of minutes that seemed ages for Rachel. She opened her eyes and smiled carefully at the way Santana was observing her. She was so concentrated and with a small frown on her brow. Studying all her expressions.

"Kiss me".

**Please kiss me, Santana.**

The taller brunette closed the gap between them and took Rachel's lips between her own. Kissing her softly, delicately.

Frozen time again. And Rachel could only wonder if Santana had special time stopping powers.

She exhaled pleasantly and broke the kiss keeping their foreheads together.

"I missed you. San, I missed you so much".

Even in the dark Rachel could see the little smile on the corner of Santana's mouth, or maybe she only felt it and imagined the beautiful sight basing it on her memories. She wasn't sure. She would never know.

"C'mon, let's go upstairs". Santana leaded the way tip-toeing towards her room. Rachel following her closely; Hands entwined.

Once there, Santana let Rachel go in first and the tiny girl heard the distinct sound of the door being locked.

Rachel stood still in the middle of the latina's room. The moonlight sneaking in through the glasses of the window, bathing her in the dim light of the night.

She met Santana's gaze.

"I love you". Two different voices pronounced the same three words at the exact same time. It used to happen all the time.

Rachel smiled. A toothy grin that reached her eyes. And she smiled not precisely for the cuteness of the moment; she smiled because every moment, every memory she shared with Santana was like this. Extremely special and unforgettable. Mostly unforgettable.

"You owe me a chocolate". And suddenly she was giggling.

Carmen Tibideaux, who?

"Oh yeah? Well I have something you like a lot more". Santana cupped her face between her hands and pressed her lips against Rachel's. The tiny girl still giggling.

Rachel pulled away and when Santana pushed forward to keep kissing her, she pulled away again, causing the Latina to open her eyes questioningly.

Rachel's laugh partially faded until she was quiet and serious again. The only difference now, that special and usual glint in her eyes.

She opened her mouth to speak but no words were uttered. And she couldn't believe it because she was Rachel Berry. She was the girl who could always say a small idea with a 10 lines paragraph. She was the girl with A+ and honorific mention in literature essays. And yet again, she couldn't find the correct single word to express all that she was feeling for Santana. So she did the only thing that made sense to her in that moment.

She spoke with actions.

Slowly and making sure to be fluent and as graceful as possible, she took the hem of the oversized hoodie she was wearing and lifted it over her head. Bringing her hands down she pushed the jeans downwards kicking them off when they were at her ankles and stood still looking expectedly at Santana.

Surely if she wasn't as nervous, she may have heard the small gasp the taller brunette made.

Santana reached for her hand and tugged at it closing the small gap Rachel had created to undress. She placed the tiny hand on her chest, exactly above her heart, and said in a low murmur.

"Me too".

It was Santana's wild heartbeat against the palm of her hand, or the fact that she understood every single thing she wanted to express, or her own heart beating at the speed of light, or maybe the combination of everything, but Rachel couldn't hold it any longer and sliding her hand from the latina's chest to the back of her neck, she drew her in impossibly closer kissing her fervently.

And Rachel felt Santana's hands fly to the small of her back. The contact to her bare skin setting her on fire and a moan erupting from her throat to crash against Santana's pouty lips.

The kiss shifting to needier and more passionate each passing second.

Rachel's hands pulled and tugged at everything at reach, trying desperately to feel her closer. Even when the laws of physic wouldn't allow it.

The hands in her back travelled upwards and as nimble as they were they flicked open the clasp of her bra in a swift motion. Then, they moved again grazing the tips of its long fingers all the way down her skin.

Santana grabbed her by the hipbones and grinded her hips against her body. Rachel purred and threw her hands in the air to take off the bra. Mouths never separating. Lips kissing all the time.

**You drive me crazy.**

Santana pulled away, eyes dark as the night filled with pure passion and lust.

"Rach, are you sure?. Because one more kiss and I won't be able to stop".

**Yes, I'm sure. Make love to me Santana.**

Rachel just kissed her again. She wasn't sure how or when or why but since long ago Santana owned her. Both physically and emotionally. And Rachel was sure that she couldn't live without that knowledge.

The knowledge of belonging to Santana.

Santana guided them both to the center of her bed, her clothes leaving a tell-tale path.

And as Rachel situated herself on the latina's lap she couldn't break off the train of thoughts running at full speed in her head. The velocity was causing her nausea at the point of mixing with her current nervousness, because she was going to make love with Santana; again after long time, after a stupid decision she regretted mere minutes after saying the words, and she continued regretting it until Santana opened the door of her house that night.

But she didn't complain, not even once. And she held to her word, she swallowed all the pain that caused Santana's absence, she disguised her yearning to feel her, to touch her and kiss her with extra curricular activities, she worked out more, she had more piano and ballet lessons per week and she concentrated extra hard in home chores and schoolwork.

But what was really, really hard for her was to say 'I love you' to Finn without stumbling on her words or without imagine Santana's eyes staring lovingly back at her.

Yes, Rachel would undoubtedly say that those were the hardest moments of her life.

And all of that had been accumulating, filling the vacuum in her heart little by little.

Until it couldn't bear it any longer.

All the tension, frustration and sorrow poured out messing up her life, to the point of betting on her own future; to the point of choking in her audition.

"You're not thinking about him, are you?" Santana's voice cut the silence in a hushed and ragged whisper against her ear. Her hands never stoping the feather-like strokes on her naked body.

And Rachel wasn't sure if it was all that thinking, or Santana's delicious scent, or if she missed part of the question but she couldn't fully comprehend the context of the words.

"Who?"

And it seemed to be the correct answer because she felt a smile on her shoulder and Santana went straight back into business.

**Santana, baby.**

Feeling Santana's smooth skin against hers was almost too much to handle. Her whole body was humming in approval. The chemical reactions were the ones of a junkie coming back to the addiction.

Shots of endorphins and adrenaline sending electric spasms through her veins.

"San, please".

A plea.

Long fingers caressing.

"Santana".

A command.

Long fingers within her.

Conceded.

It was like a dance, their bodies falling into a familiar rhythm. Moving along the music of purrs, moans and hushed whispers.

Santana's pace increasing gradually, lips meeting and parting to kiss any spot of sweaty skin at reach, only to re-meet again. And infinite cycle.

Santana used her free hand to grasp Rachel's neck, dipping her head to bring their foreheads together.

"Don't ever leave me again". She admitted wholeheartedly. Her gaze fixing her intensely.

And oh God, Santana in her seriousness moment and Rachel on the brink of insanity.

But Santana needed it, and Rachel knew it so she forced her mind to do one more effort and form coherent words. But she could only accomplished a throaty "Never".

And then, Santana touch that sensitive spot and sent her reeling over the edge.

And Rachel found herself back in heaven.

* * *

Rachel rested her cheek on one of the comfy pillows of Santana's bed. Her legs tangled with black sheets covering only her butt and leaving her naked back exposed.

Santana sighed and brushed her lips from the base of Rachel's protruded spine to the back of her neck. Marveling on the little chain of goosebumps following her tender kisses.

Rachel chuckled and peeking at the clock in the nightstand on her right, she begrudgingly informed.

"Santana we can't do it again. We need to be up in two hours".

The raven-haired girl just huffed in disapproval and accommodated her lean body on the curve of Rachel's back.

The weight of Santana's body on top of her drowning her in bliss.

"A few days ago I had a dream, you know?" Santana confessed against her shoulder blades.

"Oh yeah, and what was it about?"

"You and me in New York".

She didn't tell any more details, and within a few minutes Rachel recognized the shifting of Santana's breathing to a more slow and continued pattern.

"You and me in New York". She repeated to a peacefully asleep Santana.

"You and me in New York". One more to assimilate.

"You and me in New York". One more to start dreaming and planning again.

* * *

**A/N:** A small reference I almost forgot. From where I am, when two people say the same word at the same time, we say 'you owe me a chocolate' and the last person in saying the phrase has to actually pay a chocolate to the other person. Idk, if it is done in other parts of the world, but well, there's the reference.


End file.
